Print to be banned in Queensland under new edict

The Queensland government is set to ban all print from being produced in the sunshine state, deeming it out of line with current community values.

Banned: all print in Queenaland

The new edict comes into force from today, 1 April, and will impact all print in Queensland. There will be no more newspapers, although no-one will really notice that as they are pretty much gone there anyway. Magazines will only be available on TokTik.

Lottery tickets will be sent straight to mobile. Posters will be digital. All printed packaging will be replaced by clear plastic - rigid or flexible - with just an AI code stamped on, with which consumers can interact through their mobile phones to get information on the products inside the package, or not, as the case may be.

The Queensland state premiere’s office said, “Print has been a disaster for the environment, growing all those trees, only to chop them down. It was also a major contributor to the rise of Donald Trump, and we don’t want to see that sort of thing here. Print’s time is over, 500 years at the top is a good run, but nothing lasts forever. Really, when you look at it through the modern lens, what has print ever given us?

“Fair enough it is cheap, effective, accessible, versatile, and may not be quite as environmentally damaging as dumping thousands of tonnes of plastic and mobile phone batteries into the ocean every year, but we have to move with the times.”

The move is based on research carried out by the well respected Nimbin Analysts group, backed by funding from the little known People’s Internet Steering Solutions (PISS) group and The Association of Kino Enterprises (TAKE), the former based in California’s Silicon Valley, the latter in an obscure Chinese city the size of New York.