Clancy . . . overflow . . . the best bits . . . funnies

Formed to provide logistic support to the company’s four merchants – Howard Smith Paper Group, M6 Papers, Paper Co and Robert Horne Group – The Delivery Co is being touted as the largest enterprise of its type with 50 warehouses and over 500 trucks in three years servicing the length and breadth.

As these things go, Toby Marchant, Regional President, PaperlinX UK & Ireland, said, “In three plain English words, its name says everything there is to say about its purpose and commitment.”

Glad we got that sorted.

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Gone are the days when a press was a press was a press. These days one in every five machines that rolls off the Heidelberg production line is customized in some way. Not many are as complex as the longest half-size press operating at packaging print shop Alliora in France. At 21 meters the Speedmaster CD 74-2+LY-P-6+LYLX has been customized to the specific requirements of the print shop and consists of eight inking units, three coating units, two drying units, and a perfecting device. The company mainly produces luxury packaging for cosmetics, perfumes, spirits, lifestyle products, and high-quality chocolates.

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No doubt you’ve been following the court case between Craft Printing and PMA elsewhere in these pages Craft v PMA In case you were wondering what the fuss was all about this is the cover of the Australia's Morning Tea brochure at the heart of the matter. Getting the skin tones right put the blue out of proof and visa versa. It came down the printer’s call and he went for the skin tones.

And thereby hangs the tale. The case is causing tremors throughout the proofing sector and may yet prove to be one of the main events of 2005.

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The indefatigable people at the Galley Club are finishing off the year with their eyes firmly on 2006. Latest news is the call for entries to the Australian Publishers Association 54th Book Design Awards. The deadline is Friday January 20th. Get details at:
Publishers’ Awards

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And finally … in the spirit of the season, here’s a well thought out business plan and vision document from the ever effervescent Astrid.


The recent announcement that Donner and Blitzen have elected to take the
early reindeer retirement package has triggered a good deal of concern about
whether they will be replaced, and about other restructuring decisions at
the North Pole.

Streamlining was appropriate in view of the reality that the North Pole no
longer dominates the season's gift distribution business. Home Shopping
channels and mail order catalogues have diminished Santa's market share and
management could not sit idly by and permit further erosion of the profit picture.

The reindeer downsizing was made possible through the purchase of a late
model Japanese sled for the CEO's annual trip. Improved productivity from
Dasher and Dancer, who summered at the Harvard Business School, is
anticipated and should take up the slack with no discernible loss of
service. Reduction in reindeer will also lessen airborne environmental
emissions for which the North Pole has been cited and received unfavourable
press.

I am pleased to inform you and yours that Rudolph's role will not be
disturbed. Tradition still counts for something at the North Pole.
Management denies, in the strongest possible language, the earlier leak that
Rudolph's nose got that way not from the cold, but from substance abuse.
Calling Rudolph "a lush who was into the sauce and never did pull his share
of the load" was an unfortunate comment, made by one of Santa's helpers and
taken out of context at a time of year when he is known to be under
executive stress.

As a further restructuring, today's global challenges require the North Pole
to continue to look for better, more competitive steps.

Effective immediately, the following economy measures are to take place in
the "Twelve Days of Christmas" subsidiary:

The partridge will be retained, but the pear tree never turned out to be
the cash crop forecasted. It will be replaced by a hanging plant, providing
considerable savings in maintenance.

The two turtle doves represent a redundancy that is simply not cost
effective. In addition, their romance during working hours could not be
condoned. The positions are therefore eliminated.

The three French hens will remain intact. After all, everyone loves the
French.

The four calling birds were replaced by an automated voice mail system,
with a call waiting option. An analysis is underway to determine who the
birds have been calling, how often and how long they talked.

The five golden rings have been put on hold by the Board of Directors.
Maintaining a portfolio based on one commodity could have negative
implications for institutional investors. Diversification into other
precious metals as well as a mix of T-Bills and high technology stocks
appear to be in order.

The six geese-a-laying constitutes a luxury which can no longer be
afforded. It has long been felt that the production rate of one egg per
goose per day is an example of the decline in productivity. Three geese will
be let go, and an upgrading in the selection procedure by personnel will
assure management that from now on every goose it gets will be a good one.

The seven swans-a-swimming is obviously a number chosen in better times.
The function is primarily decorative. Mechanical swans are on order. The
current swans will be retrained to learn some new strokes and therefore
enhance their outplacement.

As you know, the eight maids-a-milking concept has been under heavy
scrutiny by the EEOC. A male/female balance in the workforce is being
sought. The more militant maids consider this a dead-end job with no upward
mobility. Automation of the process may permit the maids to try a-mending,
a-mentoring or a-mulching.

Nine ladies dancing has always been an odd number. This function will be
phased out as these individuals grow older and can no longer do the steps.

Ten Lords-a-leaping is overkill. The high cost of Lords plus the expense
of international air travel prompted the Compensation Committee to suggest
replacing the group with ten out-of-work police officers. While leaping
ability may be somewhat sacrificed, the savings are significant because we
expect an oversupply of unemployed officers this year.

Eleven pipers piping and twelve drummers drumming is a simple case of the
band getting too big. A substitution with a string quartet, a cutback on new
music and no uniforms will produce savings which will drop right down to the
bottom line.

We can expect a substantial reduction in assorted people, fowl, animals
and other expenses. Though incomplete, studies indicate that stretching
deliveries over twelve days is inefficient. If we can drop ship in one day,
service levels will be improved.

Regarding the lawsuit filed by the attorney's association seeking
expansion to include the legal profession ("thirteen lawyers-a-litigating"),
action is pending.

Lastly, it is not beyond consideration that deeper cuts happen, and so the
Board will request management to scrutinize the Snow White Division to see
exactly if 'seven dwarfs' are:

a) the right number and

b) changed to 'the seven vertically challenged folk'.